


First Kiss Reminisce

by Wolves_of_Innistrad



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, First Kiss, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Hugs, M/M, Past Abuse, Pre-Slash, Reminiscing, Repressed Memories, Trapped In Elevator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2021-02-18 02:55:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21504061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolves_of_Innistrad/pseuds/Wolves_of_Innistrad
Summary: Buck and Eddie get trapped on an Elevator while out of town.  To pass the time they eventually start talking about their pasts, leading Buck to remember something he'd buried so deep even he didn't remember it happened.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 36
Kudos: 527
Collections: 9-1-1 ▶ Edmundo "Eddie" Diaz / Evan "Buck" Buckley





	First Kiss Reminisce

**Author's Note:**

> For the Buddie Discord, especially Aone and Dars who gave me these prompts which I combined together into something a bit different.

There’s a loud screeching noise as Eddie and Buck are waiting in the elevator and they both turn their heads up before looking at each other.

“That’s not a… Good sound?” Buck gives Eddie a look and the other man sighs.

“Well, I guess it’s a good thing this was our day off.” Eddie grabs his phone to make a call but there’s no signal. “Buck, phone?”

Buck grabs his and realizes it’s dead. He gives Eddie an apologetic grimace. “Christopher was watching videos on it until he fell asleep last night, I must have forgot to put it on the charger when I dozed off on your couch.”

“Dios mio...” Turning, Eddie presses the call button and waits.

Ten minutes later and they’re waiting, but considering they’re very high up and apparently nowhere near the fire department it’s going to be awhile.

“Got any games on your phone?” Buck’s face looks hopeful and Eddie turns to him with a frown.

“If you have the attention span of an 8 year old with shaky motor control then yes.”

Eddie thinks for a minute then hands Buck the phone “Actually that sounds right for you.”

Buck takes the phone and presses it to his chest, falling back against the wall of the elevator.

“You wound me Eddie! I thought we were friends!”

“You’ll live.”

“I may not, this cut deep.”

Eddie rolls his eyes at his absolute idiot of a best friend.

30 minutes later and they’re no closer to being set free, apparently the elevator is wedged between floors, but there’s some fancy digital lock that means they can’t just pry them open like normal. So they have to wait for an engineer or something too.

Buck and Eddie are sitting on the floor cross legged, Eddie’s phone now dead as well as they’d taken to playing even the most simple of games. Of course it had easily turned competitive so even though it was just a paint by numbers game and a counting game they’d nearly came to blows over who was going to win.

“SO what now?” Buck is staring at Eddie, bored out of his mind.

Eddie shrugs, because he’s just as at a loss as his friend.

“You know… It’s funny.”

“What?” Eddie looks at Buck with his eyebrows raised.

“Considering how good of friends we are I kinda feel like we don’t know a ton about each other. Like, the little shit.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know, like, what’s your favorite food?”

A smile crosses Eddie’s face, he licks his lips as if remembering the taste clearly. “Mama’s Enchiladas. Homemade, with the most perfect sauce you’ve ever tasted. I miss them so much.”

“Stop you’re making me hungry!” Buck rubs his tummy and pouts.

“Don’t be a baby.”

“Fine, well, since no one asked me, my favorite food is, uh… You know I’m not sure what my favorite food is. I like a lot of food.”

“Alright then Favorite place you’ve ever been?”

Now it’s Buck’s turn to smile. “Well, technically I’d say here because the firefam and Chris and you and Carla and just, everybody. But I guess if I had to pick somewhere else I’d say South America.”

“South America? When were you in South America?”

“I tended bar down there for a while.”

“How did I not know this?!”

“It never came up I guess?” Buck shrugged.

“Wait… Tu entiendes Espanol?”

“Uh, I entiendo a little.” Buck laughs, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Not like, enough to have a conversation, moreso things relating to types of drinks and money.”

“I should start speaking to you in Spanish, maybe it’ll trigger some latent knowledge you have.”

“I highly doubt that. Now if you get me drunk on some tequila first then maybe, that’s kinda the natural habitat I was in at the time.”

Eddie chuckles, shaking his head and leaning over to punch Buck in the shoulder playfully. “Maybe I’ll try that one day when Chris is at his Abuela’s and we have the next day off.”

“Ooh, getting drunk on tequila with Eddie. I call the worm!”

“Ok, next question?”

“Uh, I got nothing.” Buck rolls his eyes at himself. “I’m bad at this.”

“Fine, fine, um… Ooh, I got a good one.” Eddie scoots a bit closer, eyes alight with mischief. “First kiss? Who was it, what was it like, anything special?”

Something passes over Buck’s face, just a fraction of a second and it’s gone, but then an easy smile comes to his lips and he smirks.

“Becky Allen. I was 16, hey don’t give me shit I was a late bloomer. WE were at a party, spin the bottle. She kissed me like she knew what she was doing already. I didn’t, but she moaned so I must have been pretty good even back then when I had less experience. She ended up giving me a hand-”

“Ok, that’s enough of that story Buck.” Eddie laughs and thinks back. “Mine is kind of embarrassing. I was actually at my cousin’s quince. And well, there was this girl, she was a lot older than me but I had been following her around all day.”

“Creep alert!”

“I was ten! I was just a love-struck little pendejo. Anyway, she took pity on me and gave me a little peck on the cheek, or well, it was supposed to be, but I got It in my head to turn at the last second and meet her lips and instead I ended up smacking our noses together. Thankfully it didn’t start bleeding or anything but yeah, it was awkward.”

“So I guess technically she wasn’t my first kiss, but this other girl that I did NOT like came over afterwards and was like, ‘pobrecito, pequeno Eddie,’ and she leaned down and kissed me and it was so wet and gross and just… Not fun at all.”

Eddie watches Buck laughing, but there’s something weird about it. Like the smile doesn’t reach his eyes anymore. As soon as they stop talking Buck just sits there, and his eyes drop down and away from Eddie.

The elevator is silent.

“You alright there Buck?”

Buck looks up with a confused look on his face. “I, yeah, fine.”

“You sure?”

Buck takes a breath, looks as if he’s hesitating, deciding what he wanted to say. It takes a few more moments of mental deliberation before he says “That wasn’t really my first kiss.”

“Oh, holding out on me huh?” Eddie’s tone is teasing now. “You saw how shitty mine was and now you feel like your embarrassing one isn’t so bad so you can tell me?”

“No...” Buck moves then, pulling his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them, cradling his head on top. “It’s not that it’s just… I’ve never really, talked about it.”

Eddie can sense the atmosphere has changed, Buck’s jovial tone has turned downright somber and he scoots closer, sitting next to Buck against the elevator wall, their seated forms reflected in the mirrored wall opposite them.

“Hey, you can talk to me man.”

“I know. I do, that’s… That’s the only reason I even brought it up. You ever have something that you think it’s so insignificant, but then you really think about it again and suddenly it feels so much larger than you’d remembered? Like, like how did I forget this big, huge thing happened and I just ignored it?”

Eddie’s brow furrows now, one hand reaches out, rests over Buck’s knee. “Hey, you can tell me whatever you want. It’ll be confidential. Just you and me bud.”

“I don't know Eddie this is… God, I can’t believe I must have repressed this memory so hard that it didn’t even register it existed until we were talking about this.”

Eddie gulps, swallowing down his fear at what could be this bad. He squeezes Buck’s knee again to try to comfort him.

“If you don’t want to you don’t ha-”

“I know. I want to. I think. I just...” Buck takes a moment, drawing in a few ragged breaths, jaw working as he tries to get out the words.

“Becky Allen wasn’t my first kiss.”

He turns to Eddie, and there’s a single solitary tear rolling down Buck’s cheek.

“Jacob Mendoza was...”

The moment he says it it’s like a floodgate opens and Buck presses his head back against the wall, eyes shut tight, trying unsuccessfully to seal in the tears that began to flow.

“He, he was this boy in my class. We were, we were only 15. He was my best friend. Or on the way towards it. I didn’t have a lot of real friends, I was more the class clown, just wanted some attention. Always wanted somebody’s attention so I felt like at least someone knew I was alive.”

There’s a soft, sad noise that bubbles up from Eddie’s throat, but he doesn’t say anything, can tell Buck needs to get this out. Get it all off his chest while he’s gathered the courage.

“He, we, I. My house, we were at my house, “ Buck wipes a few tears away, staring straight ahead, watching himself in the reflection. “In my room, sitting on the bed. We had some game on the shitty little TV in my room. I think Goldeneye or something, he had brought over his N64, it was kind of old at the time but it was all that would work on my ancient TV. But we liked it, it was fun. God, I remember how much fun it was sitting there, shoulder to shoulder shooting the bad guys, or each other when we got bored.”

There’s a sad smile on Buck’s face now, his head titled up towards the ceiling as he reminisces.

“It wasn’t the first time he’d come over. I always had a few hours after school before my Dad got home. Usually longer than that even, but I figured it was okay if Jacob stayed a bit longer. I really wanted him to stay over Eddie. I didn’t, I didn’t really even understand it, I just wanted to be around him all the time. He made me so… Happy.”

The last words sound like they’re punched out of Buck, like he’s having the realization now from back when he was 15.

Eddie is watching Buck through his reflection, not chancing staring directly at him this close, his heart is speeding up as he listens. He senses this isn't going to be a happy story.

“So he stayed, and we played longer and longer, we were sitting there and I turned to him. And, god, how did I forget all this? But I remember thinking he looked… Pretty? And my hands were shaking and I didn’t know what I was doing, but he noticed me looking and he had this faint little blush high on his cheekbones and I remember thinking I wanted to touch it.”

“And so I did… I touched his cheek and he made this little noise.” Buck laughs, “he made this startled little sound, but he smiled, and then he was staring back at me, and his eyes glanced down and I didn’t know where he was looking until my own did the same, and I realized he was looking at my lips just like I had been and so I… I moved in and kissed him.”

Buck’s breathing speeds up now, he’s not looking at anyone now, lost in the memory.

“I kissed him and it felt like heaven. It was so good. And I knew, I knew I shouldn’t do it but I kept doing ti anyway because I just wanted to feel happy and he made me happy and playing games with him made me happy and kissing him made me happy and then… And then...”

Buck’s fingers find Eddie’s, gripping tight around his hand. Eddie looks at Buck again, biting his lip, bracing himself.

“My dad. He came home early, or maybe we just had been playing too long. But he barged into my room and he saw us. He caught us and he was mad. I’d seen him mad before, angry, violent. But there was just… Hatred in his eyes that day and I…” Buck swallows around a lump in his throat, tears still falling as he nearly crushes Eddie’s hand. “He grabbed Jacob and tossed him on the floor. Jacob ran off, but then my dad rounded on me. He said. He said ‘I’ll teach you not to be a little faggot. I won’t have that shame on the Buckley name...”

“Buck...” Eddie’s voice is soft, lost as he hears what happened to his friend.

“I don’t, I don’t remember much after that. I think, I don’t think that’s me repressing it either. I probably had a concussion by the time he was done. I know I didn’t go to school for two weeks after that, they said we went on a spur of the moment vacation. They were just waiting for the bruises to go down enough. Usually… Usually he had the good sense to make sure he only hit me where no one would see, but he was so angry, because I’d been bad. Because I’d done something so wrong and filthy he lost his temper and just hit me and hit me until he got tired. All over.”

“My god Buck, that’s awful...” Eddie doesn’t even know what to say about it. It’s one of the worst things he’s ever heard. He’s seen so much evil in his life, but he thinks of Christopher, the swell of love and adoration eh feels for his son, and can’t even fathom someone doing that to their own child.

Buck puts his head down, looking ashamed and scared, like a sad, frightened little boy.

“God… I remember how that felt, how good it felt to kiss him.” His fingers come up to brush against his lips, a ghost of a memory. “I never looked at another boy again after that day. Didn’t want to. I went with girls, a lot of girls, I thought that’d make him proud. And then later, when I didn’t care what he thought, I figured it would make me feel better. And sometimes it did, like Abby… But I just, completely forgot a whole other part of myself. How do you forget that big of a part of yourself Eddie?”

Finally he turned to meet his friend’s gaze, scared and uncertain.

“You were scared. He did a horrible, horrible thing to you. You repressed it so you could move on, so you didn’t have to hurt anymore. But you don’t have to do that again. We’re all here for you and...” Eddie falters, not sure how far he should push, but it seems clear that Buck’s terrified that he was missing a part of himself until this moment. “If that’s a part of yourself you need to explore, that you want to find again, you know I’ll be here for you. And the others would be too, I know it. Not that you have to tell them if you don’t want I know this has been… Traumatic to relive.”

Buck nods. “Eddie, can I have a hug?”

Eddie laughs, shaking his head vigorously. “Of course Buddy. Of course.” he wraps Buck in a big hug, holding him tight, feeling Buck start to shake with sobs again. He holds him until the sobs turn into soft whimpers, and finally heavy breaths. He only lets go once Buck’s breathing has evened out, wiping a few last stray tears from the man’s cheeks.

“Eddie...”

“Yeah Buck?”

“I think… I think I might be into guys. And girls. Like, both. Is that, is it okay?”

Eddie smiles at Buck, warm and reassuring as he nods his head. “Of course it is big guy. You like whoever you want. Love whoever you want.”

“It doesn’t… You don’t think it’s weird? Or won’t want me to be around Christopher anymore?”

“Oh Buck...” Eddie grabs his friend and draws him into another hug. “I would never, ever think anything like that. There’s nothing bad about you or what you want, and no reason I’d keep you away from Christopher.”

“Ok. Okay, good because I just, I really care for him, and you and I don’t… I don’t wanna lose you so if it mean I had to I… I would, again, I mean, I-”

Eddie draws back, staring into Buck’s eyes. His hands move up to cup his cheeks, making sure Buck’s looking right into his own eyes so he can hear every word. “I would never, EVER ask you to change who you are for me, or for Christopher. You’re my best friend Evan. And you’re perfect just the way you are.”

Eddie stares at Buck then and it’s like he breaks all over again, clinging to Eddie as he cries and cries, tucking his head into Eddie’s neck and sniffling as it ends a few minutes later.

And just then, the door opens and he hears people outside.

Buck jerks back, wiping at his eyes and trying to calm himself down and Eddie looks over at the opening doors and the people milling about cheering.

His hand reaches out, grasping Buck’s and letting his thumb rub against the skin.

“Come on, let’s get out of here. We’re free now.”

“I’m free?” Buck asks as he stands up, looking at Eddie with red rimmed eyes.

“You’re free.” Eddie gives him a smile, feels a weight he hadn’t realized he was carrying lift when Buck returns the smile.

Two weeks later Buck comes out as Bi to the station. Bobby and Chim are a little surprised, but accepting and supportive. Hen cries and hugs Buck so hard Eddie worries he might get bruises.

Three months later Buck is sitting on the couch, watching Eddie and Christopher play with some Legos on the floor when he feels something flutter in his gut. At first it feels strange and new, but as he lets his mind wander he knows it’s familiar, just in a way that feels foreign to him after all these years.

And just like that he’s back to being 15 staring at the boy he wanted to be around every day, the one he wanted to play games with, spend time with, wanted all his attention just because being around him made him so happy. Buck bites his lip as he realizes what that means, worries how that might change things between them, but when his eyes go back to Eddie the man is smiling back at him, and he recognizes that look too.

He should, he saw it on Jacob Mendoza’s face once before.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope this isn't too OOC but it's a traumatic memory so I imagine Buck can be a little out of it.
> 
> As always a big thanks to all my Wonderful Readers for all the comments, kudos and subs!


End file.
